Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
