She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
