I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
