Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My vagina is very pro this idea
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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