A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
