I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
