she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
time to smoke my breakfast
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
