He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
