new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
