he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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