i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
