I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
