We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
