You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
