You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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