I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
