y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
