I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
