...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
