I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
