I smell stomach acid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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