The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You pole danced in your parka.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
