Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
