You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
