His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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