Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
