It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
