i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
