what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
