Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
