He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
