I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
