Only a mothe r could love this liver
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
