I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
