i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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