he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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