You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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