tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
