it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
