about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
