i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
