HIV tests are more positive than that guy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
