I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have demons in me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
