The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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