Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
