Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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