I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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