he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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