Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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