Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
