how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
