A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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