As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
